And I didn't break rules 1&2.

11/8/2010

Ethnographic Essay

You’re Not So Bad for Such an Insensitive Prick:

An Ethnographic Look at 4chan Image Boarders

It’s very awkward trying to hide your computer screen in a Starbucks so people don’t ask why you’re looking at pornography. They’ll always find it odd, even when you point out that you’re studiously doing research and observation, not at all looking at pornography. Yes, you’re definitely not looking at porn, and most certainly not at a page replete with not only porn, but also racist and sexist remarks, confusing and nonsensical inside “memes”, and the occasional thought-provoking philosophical discussion.

4chan is an image-board website, containing a simple format where users can post anonymously both text and uploaded photos. It has a complicated social structure and very dedicated members. It is also known as a place where trolls go to plan out and revel in their next greatest prank and others go to exercise either their hip, “underground” knowledge or else their sexual deviancy. Moderation is minimal and content often passes into grotesque and illegal. It’s known all around as “the Asshole of the Internet.”

Some would question what could possibly qualify it as a topic of study. Well, 4chan is becoming very influential and is already infamous. Memes are popping up everywhere, and the language of 4chan is becoming part of everyday lingo. Many of the sources at which I’ve looked, however, view 4chan as a whole, but don’t look past the Guy Fawkes masks for which the users are known. I wanted to look at the person. What kind of person would post such content? I wanted to take a look at 4chan because I wanted to discover what psychological vice, or what role being a member played in these people’s lives. I learned that despite the brash exterior of 4chan as a whole, the average member is an intelligent, interesting person who is there to use the anonymous image board as a medium by which to express their innermost thoughts in an area in which it is acceptable and free from judgment. “Chantards”, as they’re known by some, are jaded with the pressings of an overbearing society and want a place to truly be themselves, a place to allow the more deprave parts of being a human be exercised without being judged.

The mask isn’t fooling anyone.

Through extensive research surfing the website over a period of a month and lengthy interviews with some of the “anon” (a moniker placed on them for their anonymous status), I unearthed that the average chantard is usually nerdy, intelligent, with a wide variety of interests. But even though they’re usually cynical or jaded with the world in some form or another, they didn’t strike me in any way as disturbed or “fucked up.” So, I had to ask myself, why the discrepancy between the words on the page and person behind them?

My first interview I met on a thread asking anyone if they would like to be interviewed. (My third such thread, with very few coming to the bait.) He chose to be known as John G. Winhest. We chatted over Gmail. He was articulate, and struck me as cordial and very outgoing, if not somewhat I asked him what was being fulfilled by being a member of 4chan. “My need to be an asshole,” he stated plainly. “Also, witty pictures. I need them witty pictures.” He went on to say that if he didn’t get to go there and be an asshole, he would be aggravated throughout the rest of his day.

My second interview was President Gerald Ford, or so he asked me to call him. He struck me as a “troll”, someone known for posting inflammatory or upsetting remarks purely for the purposes of causing problems. Sometimes trolling can be very elaborate and even lasts for months. 4chan is replete with all different kinds of instances of this. We chatted on Skype. He leaned in intently and spoke with fervor when he wanted to illuminate a point. He gesticulated more than was necessary and stared at me suspiciously when I stopped during our video interview to type notes on my computer. In “Radical Opacity” Julian Dibbell refers to 4chan as “the id of the internet”, because it reflects the inner mind, the subconscious of humans. This made me curious on how the members viewed 4chan. When I asked what 4chan was a medium for, Ford simply said, “Yourself.” He said he, and most others on there, were naturally introverted in that they didn’t like the way average others were. But they let themselves go because if you’re anonymous, there’s no reason not to.

So does that make them bad people?

In both interviews, neither participant said anything about the morality of posts that occurred there. “Morality” on 4chan is muddled. The words nigger and faggot are thrown about so often it’s desensitizing. The word “fag” is used as a suffix to denote different types of people, as opposed to a slur. “Oldfags” have been there for a long time, while “newfags” have not. In “4chan’s Curious Moral Code” Cole Stryker talks about how 4chan will give death threats to an 11 year old girl, as in the case of Jessi Slaughter, a girl who received said death threats after several controversial Youtube videos were posted earlier this year, but will go to extreme lengths to expose and turn in anyone who does damage to an “innocent” animal.

In “The Trolls Among Us” Mattathias Schwartz discovered that many of the trolls see it as an equalizing effort. Jessi Slaughter “had it coming” because she was an ignorant 11 year old trying to look like a badass in obnoxious videos on the internet, not a misguided youth. President Gerald Ford echoed the equalizing sentiment when he said that the protests carried out en masse against the Church of Scientology several years back were justified. He said it was a cult and needed to be exposed.

So for some, 4chan can be a banner for social change. For others they troll even the most innocent, and when asked why, they do it “for teh lulz”, meaning just for kicks.

Both Winhest and Ford said they had been desensitized to the human plight after having been online and seeing such terrible things posted as gore, and in some unfortunate cases, even child pornography. Ford told me a story for several minutes about a gif of a politician blowing their brains out on live television that circled around the web. He didn’t seem particularly disgusted. For him, such things had become old hat.

With the two conflicting sides, some using 4chan as an outlet for their vices, others indulging in the anonymity to troll without care, it’s hard to know whether or not they’re “sociopaths” as Winhest describes them. However, looking at the premise of it being the “id” of the internet, as previously described, that means it reflects the subconscious of the minds of its progenitors.

Going with this premise, while a lot of the content is undoubtedly unsavory, 4chan isn’t a terrible vice or anything disgusting. If it mirrors all of the parts of the human brain, it’s going to mimic the less savory ones as well. Does this make it disgusting? Only if all parts of a mind are disgusting. People maybe have violent or disgusting thoughts at all points of the day, but the vast majority doesn’t act on them. This doesn’t make them grotesque; just human.

People go there to unabashedly express and exercise all of the parts of their brain, even ones that are taboo, free from judgement. 4chan, collectively, is therefore just a collective glimpse at the human psyche, composed of individual momentary reflections of whatever each poster was seeking to express at that time. 4chan isn’t disgusting; 4chan is human.

If this is so normal, why haven’t I heard of it before?

While many of these themes have been covered at one point or another, never have they been present in such a way and in so large of a quantity. I therefore was curious as to whether a situation like “4chan” could have existed only with its unique format along with the advent of the internet, or whether it had existed in some form or another before.

“They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well if that’s the case, 4chan makes communicating ideas a lot easier,” Winhest expressed to me. Ford also stated that the medium and the message were inseparable In “Radical Opacity” Dibbell states how important the anonymity was to 4chan’s success, despite previous websites failing in similar regards. In posting on 4chan, having a name is not necessary. If one post fails, you can merely try again.

What I’ve discerned is this is true. The medium is both fluid yet simple enough that virtually any idea can be expressed within about two seconds. While there is an archive source, most threads expire within hours or minutes. This is unlike most boards in that it keeps content fresh. This allows for the ideas to be ever-changing. This does in one way mirror the human psyche in that thoughts are ever-changing and turning.

Both of my interviewees said that the community and the cohesion that 4chan members feel could not have existed in such large numbers without the internet. While many different groups service similar needs, not without the internet could people from all over the world (4chan is English-based, but has visitors from dozens to hundreds of different countries) come together and find those similar to them so quickly. In essence, the medium of expression found on 4chan is unique and such expression wouldn’t exist without the format. It’s like saying if the medium of oil and canvas is integral to the development or setup of oil paintings. They’re inseparable. So such a society was not possible until this time in human history.

What does any of this even mean?

This means that 4chan is more than just a reflection of society or a cause of its problems. Chantards use it as a medium through which they can express the innermost parts of themselves free from judgement, and be empowered by that anonymity.

They’re not screwed up. They might have racist or sexist sentiments or even what others consider deviant fetishes, but everyone is capable of such unsavory desires. Since they’re all free to be whoever they wish, judgment is pointless. It’s a way of saying, “I’m going to be and act however I wish, and you try and stop me.”

Most of the people on there have unique interests, but not unique urges. There is a difference between how a person thinks and how they act. The expressions made on 4chan, and the people behind those expressions, is perfect evidence of this. People on 4chan are just people.

Bibliography

Dibbell, Julian. “Radical Opacity.” Technology Review. Online pdf. September/October 2010.

October 2010

Schwartz, Mattathias. “The Trolls Among Us.”New York times. New York Times Online. August 3, 2008. October 2010

Stryker, Cole. “4chan’s Curious Moral Code.” Urlesque. Urlesque Online. October 12, 2010.

October 2010.

The Stagnation of Youth

This is an opinion article I wrote when I was interning for a local newspaper my junior year of high school. Not surprisingly, they didn't publish it, despite having published several of my other (less provocative?) pieces.


The Stagnation of Youth

Youths today have it better than ever before. With the numerous technological advances and social reform that have put them in such an advantageous state, it is an ideal time for an adolescent Renaissance.

Instead, when given this unparalleled chance for learning and growth, teens have chosen to waste their time on trivialities. They've chosen stagnation. There is a precept in America that states nothing is ever your fault. If you beat your children, it's only because your father beat you. If you're an alcoholic, it's only because you had an absentee mother. If you were fired, it's because the prejudiced system kept you down.

This country is beset by political correctness, a need never to hurt anyone's feelings, never to offend anyone; oftentimes at the expense of the truth. Because of this, we're teaching our children that it's okay to make excuses, it's okay to settle; that you don't have to work hard for what you get. This has bred a generation of children who would rather complain and moan about the state of things and try to escape to more favorable conditions, than ever actually have to do anything about the problem.

This broken ideology has infected many of the youths of our town, of our community. None can argue that Katrina destroyed homes, livelihoods, even lives. But it did one thing of benefit: it drew us together as a community. Trivial quarrels were forgotten, and instead of letting the one place that for so many of us has always been our home be destroyed, e bonded together to rebuild not only our community, but our lives and spirits as well.

Although my family was here for Katrina, I was not. I did not see the storm that would cause so much devastation, only the aftermath. The ruined businesses, houses, streets, neighborhoods...this was the home to which I returned.

While I've lived in many places, I've always felt the Gulf Coast is my true home. It was the unmovable rock that grounded me amidst a sea of calamity and uncertainty in life. I can't even begin to explain the elation I felt in knowing that my community, the one I've always loved and felt a part of no matter how far I may have been, could grow so strong against such insurmountable odds. I was even more elated to begin school here this year, again among my family and my people.

I was shocked and appalled, however, to find no such similar sense of elation regarding the tenacity of the community amongst the peers at my new school. What I found was apathy and disdain. Despite the extremely caring, dedicated staff and administration, with every student that I talked to, there was only a single thing they had in common as far as he discussion: how much they disliked our school, and, moreover, how much they disliked our town.

There was a good deal of talk about how it was so much better before Katrina, as far as resources went. Rarely, talk was of how much better it was immediately after the storm because of the closeness and sense of kinship that was present, and how they felt the current climate lacked that sense of kinship.

When students were asked which ones planned to return to the Bay after they finished their education, in a class of fifteen students, only two raised their hands. I was one of the two.

There's constant talk about our school administration, about its policies. There's talk in the larger sense about the numerous problems of what is lacking and what needs to be fixed within the Gulf Coast.

There is, in itself, nothing wrong with complaint. The coast is in a constant state of rebuilding, and saying that there are places in which it needs improvement, and seeking to make the necessary changes, will only benefit others in the long run.

But what the vast majority of adolescents seem to miss is this crucial second step.

You cannot spend your time bringing up critical points of discussion for change, and then leaving it up to other people to make said changes.

Because youths today seek only to complain and not to learn, they fail to realize they themselves can make a certifiable difference. If they disapprove of school district policies, for instance, they can rally and petition the board in charge, or rally adults to help them.

Adolescents don't see this, however. They only see the work required to make those changes they so desire. They see only the challenges present; they see the great big roaring monster of adversity yet don't look past to see the land of achievements and successes that lies beyond. That land is easily reachable, should they choose to put in the small amount of required effort.

Not only do they fail to put in this effort, they fail to realize that the even can. It stems back to the good ol' American concept of, is something is challenging, why even bother?

The most tragic is that they don't see their own power. I have had moments of utter apathy, or of disdain, or even contempt. It's human nature. We all have. But to be ignorant of the fact that you can make a change, and to choose to further that ignorance by not even attempting anything at all, is inexcusable.

It's beggars can't be choosers on a grandiose scale. Those who refuse to act to help themselves or others give up the chance to better their situation, and therefore lose any right to complain about the situation chosen for them by others.

Oh. Very curious indeed they never published it.

Fucking pumpkins, how do they work?

Went to the pumpkin carving for Alpha Psi Omega, my theatre frat. Ended up meeting my Big. She's a slightly chubby girl who carved her pumpkin into the shape of the roses crossed with the wand from the Tale of Beedle the Bard.

I made an awesomeface. Unoriginal, I know, but I'm terrible at art. Anyway, as presents I got twix, root beer, a foam sword and a supersoaker.

I met at least ten-twenty people, and we discussed many things. One guy was in a One Piece costume. Just because.

Had a conversation that included fan fiction Dungeons and Dragons vs. Star Wars the rpg, one guy knew who Eluveitie was, and a million other awesome things.

Going to Rocky Horror tonight. I'm a Rocky Virgin. Hope my outift isn't terrible.

Well, I have to go and do some shopping for fishnets before Goodwill closes.

Bullshit: the awesome kind.

I'm disappointed that my page impressions were previously 1337, and now they're 1437. Way to suck, page impressions, way to suck.

So I have a way of not being productive in the ways that the average person/society thinks that you should be, but productive in ways I enjoy being.

I have an 8 am class, which for a lot of us late-nite interweb surfers means you'll fall asleep. Long story short come exam time (tomorrow) I was missing a lot of notes. I woke up promptly at 11:45 (I don't need your judgement) and went to go copy notes from some uber-short, annoying ginger girl from my world civ class. (When I first met her she was talking about LARPing and roleplaying, and I'm like, "Awesome!" And then she didn't stop talking. For twenty minutes. It was terrible.) She proceeded to spend a good portion of me being her room copying notes singing to Avenged Sevenfold (she has one of those good voices that tries too hard so they sound like they're trying to be an opera singer when they're not) and talking about some initiation for a sorority she got into.

Anyways, copy some of the notes, go and eat, go copy the other parts of the notes I was missing (and I'm still missing one section) from someone else, and they'd get my parts. But my friend can't read my handwriting (for a girl, I have terrrible handwriting) and so I go to my room, type up his parts, send them to him, then type the rest of his cause I was too lazy to write and then brought him the notes.

Now I was going to crochet a Hufflepuff scarf for my "Big" (see the posts with Severus Snape for more info on this) and had a lot of work to do. So I started crocheting. Then ran into my bf while walking back from dropping off notes,, we end up hanging out and got...distracted. Then I had a study session from 8-11 that the school offers.

I go there, bring my crochet stuff just in case, and lo and behold it's boring and shit and I can't focus. So I pull out my yarn and begin crocheting (I just taught myself last week how to) and have a decent chunk going on my halfway-finished piece. So I find out it's much easier to listen if I'm doing something rote and mechanic.

I need to switch colors (the scarf is striped gold and black, of course) but I didn't bring my scissors. So I ask somebody if I can copy the notes I'm missing, do that, and get the hell out of there.

Talk to my sister for 45 minutes about how my older brother's inability to connect with me may or may not be splintering the whole sibling dynamic (big family, 4 siblings and me) and other things.

Go get a pizza. Manage to ride a bike while holding a pizza. Feel accomplished. Type up notes. Send them to Kyle. Take picture of the map of the different civilizations we're studying, send that to him as well.

Go into bathroom. Sit on toilet from peeing, type this blog still sitting on the toilet even though I've long since been finished.

So, tl;dr
Lazy at some stuff, weird productive at others
-still haven't finished studying when I've known about the test for a week -con
-do some very extraneous work to get all of the necessary notes -pro
-manage to both crochet a scarf and listen to work at the same time -fuck yeah pro
-some other bullshit- pro and con respectively.

so I can get a lot of stuff done very well, just not what people might traditionally think of as necessary. Well I'm happy after days like this.

Awkward roommate moments

-When she walks in and I'm still in the same spot she left me four hours ago--on my computer without pants where I was when I woke up.
-When I'm pooping in the bathroom and I hear it make a realllyyy loud plunk and I'm afraid she can hear it.
-When her side of the room is extremely tidy and mine looked like a laundromat threw up under my bed.
-When she yells at her boyfriend on the phone in front of me.
-When she yells at her boyfriend in front of my company.
-When she has her annoying friends over twenty times a day and they ask me inane questions. "What's thrift shopping?" "OMG, what's that on your face?!" (It's a microdermal, for those of you that ask.)
-That one day they spent about ten minutes asking me if I had heard of a million different shitty pop bands because I hadn't heard of one artist and didn't listen to Kesha or Lil Wayne, who will forever be Weezy to me, goddamnit. And no, they didn't know what the hell Primordial was, or hardstyle.
-When I've been using her toilet paper for about three months without buying any.
-Start video on laptop, forget to check sound--either screaming death metal, Onision or pornography sounds blast out. Hope I didn't wake her.
-That one night out of the entire time I've been here I ask her if me and my boyfriend can have the room alone, and she asks us how much time we'll need.
-When all of the girls on my floor have a get together in the lounge directly across from my room during this time and I'm secretly afraid they can all hear us.
-When she has a tv she doesn't watch blaring, her music on loud (soooo much Kesha) and I have to ask her to be quiet.
-Massive amounts of passive aggression.


I'm aware a lot of this is because of me (like keeping a messy room) but she's always extremely loud and on the phone at all hours with her laptop music, phone and tv on, she has people over at all hours of the day when I rarely entertain in side my dorm, so I consider us even. Maybe not the best living arrangement, but a passable one.

Do you have any awkward roommate moments/stories?

The nature of intelligence

From helping people in general with writing assignments, or even just reading their work, I've realized I can tell a lot about them from their writing. Their construction process, meaning the way in which they categorize their ideas and the shape their various paragraphs take, shows their thinking patterns. The writing itself obviously shows if you're smart, or just trying to be. Overcompensating with big words is kind of a give away. It also shows how capable you are at critical thinking. A disproportionately large number of people seem to lack this trait almost altogether, which is one of the most important as far as intelligence goes. I honestly don't know how so many people get through the day without honestly understanding logic and reason.

I used to think the purely logical person was soulless and had little emotion. Now I realize logic can create order in a world of chaos. You can still use reasoning and logic to guide your decisions and allow yourself to feel emotion at the same time. You just understand the various causes of the emotion and address that problem, as opposed to doing your first instinct. For instance suppose a woman catches her boyfriend flirting with another girl and is inflamed by jealousy. She demands he talks to no other woman. The problem isn't the flirting, it's the woman being out of the kitchen. No, I'm kidding. The problem is the spark that caused thejealousy. Is it insecurity that causes it? Was it feelings of betrayal? (In some relationships it's alright to flirt, in others it's not.) Were she to see this and react accordingly, either by dealing with the insecurity, or discussing how he crossed boundaries, it would be alright. Then the whole "I'm a crazy bitch" thing need never have come into play.

You could also argue that art and literature are more often based solely on emotion and not on reason. In many cases this is true. But there are also some instances where reason plays in. As an avid science fiction fan, I can say that most of those books would lose their effectivity if they lacked some kind of logic behind the science and instead were "Oh hey look a bunch of crazy shit happens." Even the most insane of mangas at least has rules that govern them in some form or another.

But I'm talking about critical thinking, not just logic. Of course the two play into each other. I think mainly the reason that "stupid" people are so stupid is not because of a genetic defect, but because they don't take the time to think things through, and see the proper chain of events and the situation as a whole would make more sense were they to look at it. Instead they see a situation, have an emotional reaction, and the first thought that comes to mind is what they stick with vehemently despite any outside influence. Were they to just have really looked at the situation in the first place, this would never have happened. Of course we are a society fueled in large part by ignorance and circuitous logic. i guess you can't say there are no people that use intelligent thought in their everyday life. They just use it incorrectly.

Here's an example (albeit a poor, half-baked one). Johnny is fapping. He's really going at it. He's a few strokes away from monster dickburn and Enlightenment all in one. Billy, Johnny's roommate, walks in on him. He's in shock. They both stare for a moment. Billy looks at Johnny, at his dick in his hand, at the screen, and walks out. If he used a purely emotional reaction in his brain, it would have gone like this. "Johnny is masturbating. Fuckin' gross!"

But Billy is a critical thinker, and thinks about what it means that Johnny is masturbating. Now a logical conclusion one might reach is "Well, he's horny, so sought to satisfy himself sexually." You might even take it further and use outside influences to draw the conclusion, "Well I haven't seen a girl for a while, so maybe this is a regular occurrence." Someone even more concerned might see Johnny being hard-up for a girl as a problem, and might suggest a solution. "Well, there's a cute girl in the dorm downstairs that's into the same movies. Maybe I could introduce them." Or if you're a dick. "There's a hooker a few streets down. I should sneak her into his bed. Damn that would be lulzy."

This is the logical, but false conclusion that Billy actually reaches. "He's masturbating. Masturbating is a sin. Johnny is going to hell." Billy knows this means that they have ideological differences. Some solutions? "We could discuss hanging a tie on the door so I no longer have to see his indiscretions." The shit Billy actually thinks? "I'm going to get my Bible group and have them throw holy water at Billy the next time he has his pants down."

Is this a rant against religion? Not really (that's for another day.) Against masturbation? Fuck no. Masturbation is awesome.

It's more meant to show how critical thinking is important as far as intelligence is concerned, but when used incorrectly it can be even fucking worse than ignorance in the first place. Consider Billy and Johnny a metaphor for how things work currently in most societies (not just America).

Teehee. I love misogyny jokes. They're always so much more funny coming from a woman.

The obsession with Slenderman

My friends are always talking about creepypasta. When we take walks at night (as the nocturnal lifestyle of the videogamer often leads to), they'll invariably comment on the scenery and the landscape as if it were an opportunity for us to be attacked by a Cthulian monster. At times I was so unnerved by it (and as recently as last night) I would be extremely belligerent in demanding that they stopped.

Last night we walked through a graveyard. I kept my head. They said they saw something, heard something, and wanted to go after it. I requested that they leave it alone. Why bug it? I guess that's my theory on Slenderman, or men, depending on your belief. If I get attacked by an (I assume) an unworldly monster, or another creature, to be more precise, well then there's not much I can do about that. But am I going to seek it out? Hell no.

So I guess I do believe in it on some level, even though I do have my sobering moments of complete atheism. I don't know if I'll ever be one of those curious enough to seek out those types of mysteries. Is it out of fear? Maybe. Out of respect for the privacy and lives (in whatever form they may exist) for those other beings? Maybe. I don't know, I just don't think of the need for Slenderman or ghost hunting. Now obviously if one goes out and attacks you or others for no good reason, that's hardly fair. But going into their territory on some other day unrelated to anything, that's hardly fair to them.

Am I terribly weird, for having this idea of "respecting the privacy" of these creatures? For humanitarian reasons for things that aren't considered human? Do to my own code of ethics, I don't think so. But others might differ. Please, discuss it.

Bernard Golberg--a rap

I was talking with my friend about a speech topic on msn, and I was SOOO excited cause I remembered one of my sources was Bernard Golberg, but I couldn't remember his name. So we made a rap about him. Black is me, blue is my friend. Please pardon the terrible formatting--I copy-and-pasted straight from the convo

fucking golberg, likely a jew
doesn't fuckin' matter, he's richer than you

AHHH SHIT YOU WISH YOU HAD HIS KITTENS CAUSE HE'S A JEW MORE MONEY THEN GATES, BUT NEVER STOPPING THE FLOOD, THESE HOT BEATS FLYING FROM HIS MOUTH WRITTEN IN A BOOK, HE'S NOT YOUR COMMON MOOK

GOLBERG GOT A DICK ABOUT 49 INCHES,
REPORTIN ON THE WAR, ALL UP IN THOSE FUCKIN TRENCHES;
THAT'S A METAPHOR FOR ALL THE PUSSY HE BE GETTIN;
HE WORKS ON FOX NEWS, BUT HIS OPINION YOU BE RESPECKIN

WROTE A BOOK ON MEDIA BIAS;
GONNA STOP ALL THOSE LIBERAL LIAHS;
FUCKING ON THE O'REILLY FACTOR;
mORGAN FREEMAN? GOLBERG IS BLACKER.

MIGHT AS WELL CALL HIM A SAINT BERNARD,
CAUSE YOU BRINGS YOU SHIT YOU NEED OVER MANY A YARD;
BUT HE DEALS NOT IN FOOD, BUT IN INFORMATION,
FUCKING SHIT UP IN THIS MEDIA-FUCKED NATION

all these fuckin' maids

So I live in one of the best dorms on campus. (Someone did the math and it would actually be cheaper to get an apartment, but that's besides the point.) So we have maintenance crew that do general upkeep, and once a month they'll come in your room and clean your bathroom for you (it's a private bath).

Well today is that day. I get on the elevator on the first floor, and there's about six black maids, cleaning women, whatever the pc term is on there. Now it's fine, and all of the floors are selected (there's four floors) but I don't mind.

Well we start going, and one maid starts with this. "Man, I'm fucking tired. I don't need this bullshit today." And she says it loudly and very audibly. And all the other maids look at her, and some start saying, "C'mon now, don't speak like that." And she keeps going. "Man I'm fucking tired. What you mean be quiet? I'm gonna say whatever the fuck I want."

A couple were urging her, "Kesha do you need to get off the elevator? Kesha just step off for a minute and speak with us." They even pressed the open button but she just stayed on there. "What the fuck I'm just gonna go upstairs and do my fucking working I don't need this goddamn bullshit."

And she's saying this random string of obscenities for a good minute (it's an average speed elevator) while about five other people are asking our dearest Kesha to please be quiet. I got off on the third floor (my stop) and they were still yelling at her and she was still cursing when I stepped off. I yelled back "You ladies have a nice day!", but for obvious reasons they couldn't hear me. Now it was a small elevator and it was packed, and the way we were standing I was facing all of these arguing black women. I was smiling and chuckling the whole time this was going on, of course refraining from laughing obnoxiously.

Honestly I didn't mind her behavior. Now if she had directed her comments at anyone (especially me) that would've been different, but everybody has annoying days and have freedom of speech to express that. Maids are no different, they can be pissed too. Well I want to thank you, Kesha, for making my day that much more enjoyable, and hope you that bullshit got taken care of after you did your fucking work.

My awesome week.

Here's a short recap.

• My friends Baudin and Graham played didgeridoos outside for about an hour, with Michael on the bongos. My friend Kyle would occasionally punctuate it with a blast from his vuvuzela. They had a big box labeled "Put $$$ in here!" and Baudin would yell out MONEY at random moments while still keeping rhythm on his didg. They made almost THREE dollars. Holy shit.
• Watched Black Dynamite.
• Me and my loveliest Jody made it to eight months! Fuck yeah!
• We had HOURS of cuddling that day!!
• We piled eight people into Tucker, Baudin's SUV. Start driving, see tons of balloons on the road. Shove about twenty balloons into the car with us.
• Go to Waffle House. The chef called me a boy on accident (I'm not exactly androgynous, pretty obviously a girl) and I got a free waffle. Hells yeah.
• My new friend Ben from history gave me a bag of generic Fruity Pebbles. Shit yeah.

I went to go see a comedy improv troupe called the Stagemonkeys. Here's some of the highlights:

• Walked out to go to restroom, walk back in and everybody is singing I'll Make A Man Out of You from Mulan. EVERYBODY. And other Disney tunes apparently while I was gone. MLIA worthy.
• They ask a suggestion for a scene. Somebody says "the maid puts a baby in the microwave." They act it out.
• Three scenes have this ongoing joke.
• "Give us a movie that's coming out" "Rocky Balboa in Grease!" my contribution. They acted it out. Fucking win.
• They had a scene that took place on the Titanic. They had a mat and a bucket of water. At least one team member had to have their head in the bucket at all times. Hold your head under as long as you can, then switch off.
  
• The finale: mousetraps. DOZENS of them. Then they blindfolded the participants. What were the audience suggestions? Breakdancing battle. As Mario and Luigi.
  

Sweet, sweet mystery

Well I certainly haven't accomplished much in my life. I'm sure my posts are extremely boring. Well, I managed to drop Arabic class because I missed it twice in one week. I also didn't do three weeks worth of homework today.

And I managed to get invited to a (male) gay club, as a female with a boyfriend. Woot.

On to the story--I've recently joined a theatre fraternity called Alpha Psi Omega, APO, and part of their process for pledges is that they assign you a "Big" as in Big Sister/Little Sister Big bro/little etc.

Well here they have a "callboard" which for all you non-theatre kids is pretty much the facebook of the entire dept.--any relevant information will be there.

Well I missed a pledge party because the person never messaged me back that in charge of it. I go to check the callboard after having not for several weeks, and see a picture of Severus Snape from the Potter Puppet Pals. What was my surprise? A six pack of glass bottle IBC root beer and a large packet of Twix. It was kickass. I thanked them.


The next day there was a message asking me my favorite character from George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire.Of course, I said Sandor Clegane, in a note I wrote and posted back on the board. I also asked my Big for his/her number, and some more information. Then I found this posted yesterday:





For those of you that don't know, that is the house sigil of Sandor Clegane. The art on the dogs isn't so impressive, but it's been a long time since I've had anything nearly so amusing happen.




Arya Stark is another character. I highly recommend the series. This was just some of the (somewhat) interesting goings-on of my life today. happy to share. I'll try to include more pictures/interesting/random info in upcoming posts. I really am very happy to all of my followers, thank you all. Feel free to leave feedback and share your random stories.

Well

I'm concerned over the lack of writing in my journal as of late. I'm trying to convince myself that posting on here is just as good as actual handwriting.

Another two-a-day post. Hmm.

Anyways, so my roommate has this friend. And she's stupid. and I mean ST-U-U-U-UPID.

And today she starts asking me what bands I listen to.

So I tell her, "You know, some hardstyle (technoish) music, some pagan and folk metal, some death metal, some indie bands...really anything."

Then her and my roommie spend about ten minutes reading out names of bands and asking if I've heard them before. Yes, I've heard of Kesha and TI, but no I don't listen to them. And just because I've never heard of someone on the radio doesn't make me ignorant.

You've never heard of Primordial, have you? The Moldy Peaches? They're not exactly super-obscure. But I hardly deign you for your taste in music. I see nothing wrong with the music on the radio, I just prefer my own.

Really, I'm not an elitist, so it annoys me when other people are so aghast that you've never heard of something. Shouldn't I be more aghast that you know nothing about politics?

Whatever. It's not like I'm hung up on it, but this kind of thing is annoying.

wow

Well today most definitely wasn't a very good day. A lot of homework. Been awhile since I've updated and I really don't feel like going into it, just hope next time is better.

Wow. Two posts in one day. Aren't I cool. I really, really want a job. No, let me correct that--I don't by any means want a job, but I most certainly want the money that comes along with a job. I'm tired of not having things and even though my sister says it's best to not work if you don't have to I really would like to very much. I'd only have to work ten hours or so a week. I'd have all of my expenses except for a few hundred covered, so I could increase my budget by a bit, put a shitload into savings for the summer/next year, and have extra money to spend on whatever the hell I want.

Another thing that concerns me is my choice of major. I was originally going to double major in both English and Physics (the English degree having a minor in Theatre) , mainly because I'm interested in both fields and wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I do love Physics, and the fact is I could make amazing money there. The downside being that getting a degree in both fields would require me to take at least three classes every summer semester, which isn't covered by FAFSA, in order to finish within four years (a requirement for me).

I could also drop Physics and just do English with a minor in Theatre. I'm very much in love with both English and Theatre, and considered double majoring in both fields--until I realized that this would take even longer than Physics and English would, not even including a minor! It's all very silly, really.

I'm reluctant to drop Physics. If I do, then I won't have the necessary pre-reqs, and I'll have to go back and take a shitload of courses anyway. The thing is, I don't think I'll know enough about either field to know whether or not I want to take it until I actually take some classes from both of them.

I wouldn't even be able to take Physics classes until second or third year because of all the pre-reqs, and how am I supposed to know now whether or not I like it when i'm relatively ignorant on the subject? (Keep in mind not completely ignorant, but I'm far from an authority.)

I am by no means dropping English. I know no matter what I do it will involve writing, and the same is true for Theatre. Like I said I'm reluctant to drop Physics, but I wonder if this is true for the wrong reasons. Do I love it enough to do it, or do I love the idea of how well I could do in that field?

Honestly, I'm good in many fields. I could succeed in just about anything I set my mind to, virtually the only exceptions being sports or singing.

I think I need to go with my heart on this one. It's funny because I just keep thinking about how much I'll be missing out on if I drop Physics. Honestly I think I might just go and talk to the Physics and English and Theatre departments and see if we can't make this work. There are online courses for a reason, after all.

Man, I really wish there was a "scene" of some type here. And by here, I mean semi-rural, small town coastal Mississippi. I do love my friends and whatnot, but I particularly need to go out, to do things. Go to a rave, which I've never been to. Learn how to hardstyle dance. Be able to enjoy various "scenes". Not to belong to a stereotype, not because I have some sort of lack of belonging that I'm seeking to fulfill, but purely to experience and enjoy. I want to listen to screeching black metal and bass heavy blast beats of melodeath.

I want to go to an anime convention even though I don't know anything about it, just to learn. I want to learn things. Learn about computers and classical theaters and Arabic and the Quran and why in the hell there aren't any wrestling schools near central MS.

I'm watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. My boyfriend is lonely, and I'm in desperate need of cuddles. Good morning and good night, respectively.

Indeed.

Well this black background is just terrible formatting, isn't it? I do hope this isn't too hard to read.

I'll skip the introductions, as I don't find them necessary. Anything you wish to know about me (or any judgments you wish to make) you can deduce purely from my writing.

And if not, well you're not a terribly clever character, are you? Please don't think I'm spiteful or insulting. Anything but. I merely make truthful observations. Whether or not I laugh at said observations is irrelevant.

I find it funny that I keep a written diary but also write in here. I'm not exactly sure how my writings will be different, or if I'll do what I thought I might and just copy all of my diary entries into here. That sounds unnecessary and arduous.

I start college in approximately three weeks, classes in four. I'm not really worried or anything. it's all vaguely numb so I'm not entirely sure how I'm feeling. I'm getting a lot of that terrible sinking feeling right now that I often do when things don't feel real.

I've always felt life was like a dream, as in it had that vague dreamy feeling (vague twice in two paragraphs...woot) and I doubt the existence of life as we know it at times.

Yeah yeah, dementia etc. But that's besides the point.

I think life would be more interesting if everything suddenly started working off of Mario physics. Hypothetically it could. Most things are possible hypothetically. I know that's a very general statement without any worth behind it; however, I'm very interested in thinking of things that very likely could be.

I have a strong urge to cut my hair. Something choppier or more edgy for school.

It's very hard to keep the curly pinup-y look while still having an edge to it. I could go psychobilly, but I'm very much out of the mohawk/fauhawk phase that struck me my softmore year of high school.

Though I would love having very high liberty spikes for at least one point in my life.

I'm highly debating whether or not to get piercings. I can't seem to decide whether or not it's worth it.

If I do get them, I'd be getting an antieyebrow below my left eye, and an eyebrow on my right. Frame my eyes, all that good jazz.

Of course, I'd very much love to have a large number of clothes. If I get a piercing, I either have to give up my entertainment money for a month, or my clothing money. It's not an easy decision to make. Of course depending on how well I spend my startup money for school, I could very well get enough clothes to last me for six weeks, insofar as much I won't feel the strong urge to buy more.

Luckily I have time to decide. I think I had better go back to the real world now.