Thursday, July 22, 2010

Wow. Two posts in one day. Aren't I cool. I really, really want a job. No, let me correct that--I don't by any means want a job, but I most certainly want the money that comes along with a job. I'm tired of not having things and even though my sister says it's best to not work if you don't have to I really would like to very much. I'd only have to work ten hours or so a week. I'd have all of my expenses except for a few hundred covered, so I could increase my budget by a bit, put a shitload into savings for the summer/next year, and have extra money to spend on whatever the hell I want.

Another thing that concerns me is my choice of major. I was originally going to double major in both English and Physics (the English degree having a minor in Theatre) , mainly because I'm interested in both fields and wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I do love Physics, and the fact is I could make amazing money there. The downside being that getting a degree in both fields would require me to take at least three classes every summer semester, which isn't covered by FAFSA, in order to finish within four years (a requirement for me).

I could also drop Physics and just do English with a minor in Theatre. I'm very much in love with both English and Theatre, and considered double majoring in both fields--until I realized that this would take even longer than Physics and English would, not even including a minor! It's all very silly, really.

I'm reluctant to drop Physics. If I do, then I won't have the necessary pre-reqs, and I'll have to go back and take a shitload of courses anyway. The thing is, I don't think I'll know enough about either field to know whether or not I want to take it until I actually take some classes from both of them.

I wouldn't even be able to take Physics classes until second or third year because of all the pre-reqs, and how am I supposed to know now whether or not I like it when i'm relatively ignorant on the subject? (Keep in mind not completely ignorant, but I'm far from an authority.)

I am by no means dropping English. I know no matter what I do it will involve writing, and the same is true for Theatre. Like I said I'm reluctant to drop Physics, but I wonder if this is true for the wrong reasons. Do I love it enough to do it, or do I love the idea of how well I could do in that field?

Honestly, I'm good in many fields. I could succeed in just about anything I set my mind to, virtually the only exceptions being sports or singing.

I think I need to go with my heart on this one. It's funny because I just keep thinking about how much I'll be missing out on if I drop Physics. Honestly I think I might just go and talk to the Physics and English and Theatre departments and see if we can't make this work. There are online courses for a reason, after all.

Man, I really wish there was a "scene" of some type here. And by here, I mean semi-rural, small town coastal Mississippi. I do love my friends and whatnot, but I particularly need to go out, to do things. Go to a rave, which I've never been to. Learn how to hardstyle dance. Be able to enjoy various "scenes". Not to belong to a stereotype, not because I have some sort of lack of belonging that I'm seeking to fulfill, but purely to experience and enjoy. I want to listen to screeching black metal and bass heavy blast beats of melodeath.

I want to go to an anime convention even though I don't know anything about it, just to learn. I want to learn things. Learn about computers and classical theaters and Arabic and the Quran and why in the hell there aren't any wrestling schools near central MS.

I'm watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. My boyfriend is lonely, and I'm in desperate need of cuddles. Good morning and good night, respectively.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Well this black background is just terrible formatting, isn't it? I do hope this isn't too hard to read.

I'll skip the introductions, as I don't find them necessary. Anything you wish to know about me (or any judgments you wish to make) you can deduce purely from my writing.

And if not, well you're not a terribly clever character, are you? Please don't think I'm spiteful or insulting. Anything but. I merely make truthful observations. Whether or not I laugh at said observations is irrelevant.

I find it funny that I keep a written diary but also write in here. I'm not exactly sure how my writings will be different, or if I'll do what I thought I might and just copy all of my diary entries into here. That sounds unnecessary and arduous.

I start college in approximately three weeks, classes in four. I'm not really worried or anything. it's all vaguely numb so I'm not entirely sure how I'm feeling. I'm getting a lot of that terrible sinking feeling right now that I often do when things don't feel real.

I've always felt life was like a dream, as in it had that vague dreamy feeling (vague twice in two paragraphs...woot) and I doubt the existence of life as we know it at times.

Yeah yeah, dementia etc. But that's besides the point.

I think life would be more interesting if everything suddenly started working off of Mario physics. Hypothetically it could. Most things are possible hypothetically. I know that's a very general statement without any worth behind it; however, I'm very interested in thinking of things that very likely could be.

I have a strong urge to cut my hair. Something choppier or more edgy for school.

It's very hard to keep the curly pinup-y look while still having an edge to it. I could go psychobilly, but I'm very much out of the mohawk/fauhawk phase that struck me my softmore year of high school.

Though I would love having very high liberty spikes for at least one point in my life.

I'm highly debating whether or not to get piercings. I can't seem to decide whether or not it's worth it.

If I do get them, I'd be getting an antieyebrow below my left eye, and an eyebrow on my right. Frame my eyes, all that good jazz.

Of course, I'd very much love to have a large number of clothes. If I get a piercing, I either have to give up my entertainment money for a month, or my clothing money. It's not an easy decision to make. Of course depending on how well I spend my startup money for school, I could very well get enough clothes to last me for six weeks, insofar as much I won't feel the strong urge to buy more.

Luckily I have time to decide. I think I had better go back to the real world now.